My Mother Could Ruin History

Turkey Lurkey time is over. I was picked up by my step-dad on Tuesday so that I could go to Ikea with him and load up mom's new living room. Evidently one of the fat ass cats that my parents have (the have 3 cats, 1 dog) likes to piss on the couch. So, my mom wants a washable couch from Ikea. She also wanted to design her own entertainment center...so she did and had us pick it up. Basically, they brought me home for the holidays not for family time, but for free manual labor.

So, we got home where we had to move the old couch and chair downstairs, bring in the new furniture, and assemble it. My step-dad is similar to Phillip...a lazy computer-geek perfectionist. Thus, every book shelf and shelf that we put up or hung had to be level, and if it wasn't level we took out the brackets and leveled it again. But since he's lazy, I had to hold it up while he assembled it. It took us two days to get everything set up.

Then the grandparents came over and we had turkey day. Afterwards, we watched Star Trek (TNG, of course, it's a family tradition.) We watched an episode none of us had seen before (shocking, I know.) About ten minutes in, my mother says, "He didn't get her pregnant, the other guy did, and the jewel wasn't stolen, it's a gift for betrothal." 12 minutes later, all ST:TNG does is confirm my mother's spoiler. OMG, thanks for ruining it, mom. You see, this is why I hate movies, because whenever I watched them at home, my mom would peek her head in and tell me the ending, whether or not she'd watched it before. It some scary power of hers. It's how she knew when I had done something bad, whether or not I told her and whether or not I was even home yet. There was the time she called Kevin's mom and told her to tell me to come home because she wanted to ground me for what I had just done...and I was still at Kevin's house! To this day, she still scares me and I still think she can see everything I do. She's like fucking Sauron's Tower. The burning eye! No eyelids, for she never blinks, just a whirlpool of fire being devoured by the void that is her pupil.

That's it, I'm tired. Thought I'd tell you. I think my next post will be a rant about ugly people in porn.