Phillip has gone missing for the moment. It always happens at least 3 times a year. The usual disappearance involves not answering the phone, scuttling off to some kin, and crotchety solitude of the highest order.
I his absence, I would like to recap all the things housed inside Phillip's ass.
1. An information Kiosk
-----How else are you going to get around? Phillip is so snippety about how you act inside his bum, that he has built an information kiosk where the receptionist inside sighs and scoffs at your every move. Entering Phillip's ass will give you long condescending stares about your smaller self that's just entered. Inside the information kiosk you can find...
2. Lost and Found
-----People lose a lot of things in Phillip's big A like their dignity, their self-esteem, and their hopes and dreams. You must give a detailed description of what you've lost to ever hope of getting it back. Expect sighs from the information kiosk guy during this process as well.
3. Produce Aisle Misters
-----Ever walk into a Kroger and hear "Kgchuw!" in the produce aisle and notice that suddenly, the carrots you were about to pick up are now getting dusted with water? Then you know about the produce aisle misters. Phillip had them installed in 1997 to keep his produce as fresh as possible. It's also great for keeping things like boudin balls nice and moist. All in all, this is what makes Phillip's bum a memorable stop on your welf to self destruction. Dont' forget to pick up commemerative shirts and buttons at the Phillip's A information kiosk on your way out.
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